Wednesday, November 21, 2007

Feet pounding upon the red, red track. Breaths coming in ragged gasps. Muscles burning like fire with the exertion. Gaze fixed directly in front, I run on, nothing in my mind but the run, the strain, the heat. The heat, it burns away everything, all the whimsical notions and riotous thoughts churning around in my head. Perhaps, it is this very clarity, not cool but burning with the fire of freedom, that lasts but for the short duration of the run that is the most desirable thing in the world.

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Eyes glued to the scintillating computer screen. Ears filled with the vibrations of the headphone. Hands moving instinctively, I lose myself in a world at once within this world and yet without. Strange, sitting there, back bent, face an expressionless mask, yet experiencing a cascade of emotions. Rage, pure and white-hot. Greed, all-consuming in its satanic embrace. In front of the computer screen, lost in a world of fantasy, all time becomes meaningless. The hours fly past, spectator to a realm they cannot penetrate. Finally, weary to very core of my being, energy wasted on a cause I cannot see, I return to life, taking with me nothing but emptiness.

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It is a wonder, all ten of our digits. So nimble and agile, they can be harsh or gentle, provocative or soothing, arousing or pain-inflicting. 88 keys, black and white, black and white. My fingers dance across them, each of them seemingly a ballet dancer, slender and agile, pirouetting through a forest of indecipherable keys. A melody emerges, pure and soothing; music, always so mysterious, so vast and wondrous, washing over my soul. At rest, a fragile peace washes over my being, calm as a vast ocean on a windless day. Those raging gusts and fickle eddies, finally tamed and sleeping at the very depths of my being.

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Underneath, softness and warmth. Overhead, darkness, whole and complete. Yet I cannot seek the oblivion I so desire. A thousand random thoughts, uncontrollable, parading around in my head, to a point of implosion. I twist and turn, feverish body responding to a restless mind. So many notions, so many empty thoughts, they pester me, drain my strength, hurt me, binding me with their utter lack of significance. Battling to the very last with the rearing horses of my thoughts, unconsciousness rises up and claims me.

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Never let me go, my emotions, for without you I am but an empty shell.

P.S. Wanted to put this on the 500th post budden got too many posts after it so scared no one read :(