Tuesday, May 22, 2007

I guess its probably suicidal to be blogging right now, a day away from the GP CT, when I could be busily memorizing endless lists of quotations and sets of points which I can use for tomorrow. Yet, despite the apparently logical conclusion of the activity I should be engaged in right now, I feel it really difficult to resist the torrential flow of emotions drowning me like a tsunami. You can hardly blame me for not taking the logical choice, for after all that thinking (too much thinking that is good for me, my parents would probably say if they really know of what kind of thinking I had been going through) a few years back, I have long since lost most of my faith in logic.

I once believed wholeheartedly in the thinking method of logic, but after a few contradictory conclusions I arrived at in my mental expeditions, I realized that logic is probably not the road to take if I want to reach the one final destination I was searching for. I am relying almost purely on blind faith now. All the wise men in the world can laugh at me, but if being blind can result in keener ears and touch then I am sure shutting out all the nonsense perceived in the surroundings must necessarily sharpen my mind. Furthermore, the “logic”, “science” and “mathematics” the fools on earth place on such high pedestals are no different from any “blind belief”, in the fundamental similarity of having to put blind faiths in certain assumptions. Why then, if all the knowledge in the world is equally false, equally questionable, should I be scoffed at for choosing to believe in my very own understanding of the world?

Somehow I managed to stray off from an emotional expression of thoughts. Maybe its my subconscious’ very own way of smacking me hard in the middle of my back, pouring a basin of cold water over my face, waking me up in the most unpleasant way possible, and telling me I should start pulling myself together and preparing for the test tomorrow. Why I guess my subconscious is trying to make me immerse myself in that form of thought which I already deemed as mere disgusting lies, familiarize myself with it again, just to write a load of politically correct bullshit tomorrow and hope I would please some examiner. Why, my subconscious is making so much sense it sounds like quite a good idea to my conscious. My subconscious smiles in triumph, believing it has defeated my conscious. My conscious, seeing how my subconscious is now totally impervious to everything happening around it, quickly procures a metallic baseball bat out of thin air, swings it with full force at my subconscious’ head. The hit connects with a ugly *crack* sound. With one swift motion my conscious drops the bat, and using expert level qing gong leaps 2 meters into the air, focusing the inner chi energy into the legs. My subconscious, dazed from the hit, stand vulnerably. My conscious flies down with impossible agility, and sends a flying jump kick right into the guts of my subconscious, sending it sprawling to the ground. My conscious then jumps yet again to perform a perfect WWF/WWE style ground slam. My subconscious tries desperately to roll away, but realizes at the last moment it has been magically stuck to the floor with some super glue my conscious has secretly placed. Further sounds come from my subconscious’ chest as the ribs simultaneously fracture. My conscious rolls up into a squatting position, and proceeds to perform the ultimate 13 subconscious-defeating-palms, raining down torture upon the already unconscious subconscious. My conscious then straightens its back, stands up, and gives my subconscious a kick of the utmost inner zen, sending it flying back 30 meters, the back smashing into a tree which standing in the middle of nowhere with its only apparent purpose to smack into the back of someone sent flying backwards 30 meters by a kick of the utmost inner zen. Ah, revenge, sweet revenge for the slap in the back and the cold water! My conscious then slaps the dust off its palms and proceed to mug for GP CT.